So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
