I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
