Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
