you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
