the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
