I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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