that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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