when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
