I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
