If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
