I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You need a sexual gate keeper
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
