You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize