hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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