Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize