There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
