I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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