help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Are my feet made of real feet?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
