tell your sister to shave her snatch
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
