were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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