We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
