I wannas sexs uuuuu
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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