i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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