Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
