I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
