Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
