the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
