I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
