my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
