Apparently you make a good broom.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
