I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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