So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
