The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He has the fingertips of a God
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