Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
