OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
