He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you would pick up someone in the library
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
