I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
