I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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