could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
