There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
