Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize