I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
