she woke up with a sticky ear
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize