Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
