I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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