i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
