also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
