Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
