Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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