lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
