one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
