ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
