There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
