I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want her autograph on my taint
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
