ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
