How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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