On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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