I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
