No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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