walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
