How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize