I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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