How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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