it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
