I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
