I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
