he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
