Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
