I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
