Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
