My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
