The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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