Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
